Thursday, 23 October 2008
Please give Harry (hungry) some feedback
1100 hours. Stephen and I carefully edge around a horrid looking lake, with that unpleasant smell like you get in public toilets, avoid the slime as I had only had my clothes washed the day before and if I even got a speck of dirt on my clothes, mother would not be amuse about it no matter how exciting the story is. Speaking of mother whenever I heard drop of water falling from the roof, I felt certain energy of her presence, but not as cowardly like old bean behind me. I had taken the front leader position with the other rank old bean right behind me. At this moment I had a range of mixed feeling, at one point I was excited it was like a game that could be taken as real…. But then again I’m not looking forward to this game because it is real. I could not face the fact that if my mother is a German spy… I can’t bare to think about it.Me and old bean reporting our status. We had emerged into “the other side” with the revolting smell of cow parsley. Where to start?....where? Old bean was firing me various suggestions about my mother like “ she may have a transmitter here” or that there maybe a secret research laboratory. No wonder old bean the other ranks. I felt like shouting out but I had remembered my father words and remained calm. The only thing recognisable was the tunnel with it big dark mouth opening wide Flies…everywhere. The scenery remind me of father story of the Warfield during the war. Then a figure caught my eye…. It was mother.Harry (now hungry)
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4 comments:
Some bits of it don't make sense!
Apart from that I like how he refers to Stephen as "Old bean" It makes him sound older and wiser than Stephen which brings me to think he knows he's better and more superior to Stephen.
Oh and how would Keith know what a public toilet smelt like?
TEY ♥
i think the part where he is talking about keith not getting his clothes dirty because his mum will tell him off is good because it emphasises the fact that keiths family is a higher class than stephens
gemma s
o and i also like that how he puts "...." because frayn does this alot too
gemma s
The phrase "reporting our status" is really effective because it sounds as if it comes from a spy or adventure text of the sort that might have inspired these boys. It also gives a sense of Keith thinking he is more important and daring than he actually is.
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